Dear Instagram, I’m over you.

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instagram influencer rosieglow

Is it just me, or is anyone else feeling some serious instagram fatigue at the moment? (I really hope it’s not just me)

I’m just kind of, over it.

It’s like instagram has become so saturated with the same content, the same “aspirational posts”, people just posting the same products, posing in the same places, using the same presets…. There’s so much of the same, its like everything has lost it’s value, its creativity, its point. It feels like it’s all just becoming one blur of staged fakeness, same-ness, just another way this crazy world is trying to sell us things that we don’t need.

I scroll through my feed and I just think, “is anything meaningful any more?”

I’ve spent quite a long time feeling at odds with my own instagram. Not just because of the algorithm frustration (althought trust me I seriously hate it) but because I feel like it’s a constant battle of trying to find my voice.

I’m sick of feeling like I have to filter myself a certain way in order to be “good” at instagram. I’m tired of watching my followers dwindle and engagement fall no matter how hard I work at it, or feeling like every time I post something that feels more authentically “me” I just have to watch it flop and no one interact. 

I’m tired of being made to feel like my life must be too boring for instagram, or that I must not look “instagrammable” enough. It’s so frustrating to feel like you have things to say, value to share, creativity to express but always feel like you’re up against a barrier that’s preventing you from getting your message out because it doesn’t fit the mold the algorithm wants you to.

I’m done with curating my life to fit perfectly into a manicured grid and then feeling like it doesn’t reflect who I am at all.

I hate that I feel like I have to choose one thing to be on instagram, instead of just being everything that makes me, in all its wonderful, messy chaos.

Because I’m a lot of different things. I remember when I was younger thinking I wanted to live as many different lives as possible in the space of this one that I had. I remember wondering how I would ever do that when the decisions that everyone seemed to want me to make about school and careers and life choices always seemed as if they had to be the be-all and end-all, like you only got to make one choice about what to do with your life and that was it, forever.

I realised this year that I have actually kind of accidentally ended up doing it anyway. 

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I live wildly between places and moods, ideas and dreams. I fall in love with life in as many ways and with as many things as possible, like the changing of the wind. I try to see every colour of the spectrum of life as something beautiful to experience, even the darker shades, to hold for a moment before the next one comes along. I want to do it all and I hate to be tied too tight to anything in case it holds me back from something else to explore.

I have actively chosen to live this way, to travel as many different paths as possible. 

Just because freedom and wildness is unplanned doesn’t mean it’s not a choice. I’ve worked hard to create a life where I can do that. 

I’ve sacrificed a lot to live this free. 

And it’s hard enough sometimes trying to explain that or justify it to myself and the people around me instead of feeling like it’s somehow “wrong” without being made to feel bad about it by a freaking Social Media algorithm too!

It’s hard enough wondering to myself if I would be more “successful” in the traditional sense if I had less dreams, just chose one thing to master instead of chasing more, could be content with settling down with something instead of longing for this endless exploring.

But then I think surely the point of being alive, of having this limited time on earth that we do is to experience as much of it as we can and in as many ways as possible?

So I’ve had enough of feeling like I’m putting energy and effort into a creative platform that goes against me trying to express me in the way that I want. 

I’ve struggled for a long time to work out how to express myself authentically and now that I can I want to be able to do that on a platform that rewards that rather than promoting cookie-cutter copycat posts using the perfect filters and angles.

I’m not writing this post  with any real answers figured out (so sorry if you were waiting for some!) It’s more just to get the thoughts out, have a bit of a rant and wonder if anyone out there is feeling the same. If you are, please share, and let me know if you have any tips to get out of this creative rut?

Maybe the answer is to stop relying on instagram? I have always been a writer and maybe my frustration comes from not being able to share my thoughts where someone is reading them. Instagram is a photo platform after all and maybe even though I want to love that maybe that isn’t where my creative freedom lies.

I think a lot of my frustration is from feeling like I want to express myself but not knowing how or where. Like my words are stuck in my throat and straining to come out but I have nowhere to send them. And it’s getting to the point now where if I can’t let them I feel like I’ll implode. 

Maybe the only way ahead is to keep sharing the things that I want to share and finding ways to create the things I care about. Taking baby steps towards the self-expression that I need in the faith that eventually that will transform into me having a place where I can do that and an audience who are interested.

Maybe the answer is to accept that, just like with anything creative, living as yourself truthfully means you have to accept that some people won’t like it. A lot of people might no longer want to relate once I stop sharing things that used to fit my old insta-life and are more authentic to my new one. Maybe I have to just deal with the fact that people won’t “like” my content as much as they used to.

In my experience so far, the answer to absolutely anything in this life is always to let go, and I guess this is no different, even though it’s only about instagram! Letting go of the old way that I used to do things, my attachment to having to share in a certain way, on a certain platform. 

To accept that sharing more meaningless things with the world isn’t what speaks to me any more. 

I need more. 

All I have to do is keep creating the things that mean something to me and see where it takes me next. 

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